It’s cliché but I feel like I need to share my thoughts on 2014. Just like the rest of you, I have a long list of things I want to tackle next year. They’re not resolutions, they’re just things that I ran out of time to complete this year.
My brain is a series of contradictions- I can’t believe it’s New Years Eve already while simultaneously feeling like this year was by far the longest year of my life.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I struggled more that you would ever believe in 2014. I’m also not ashamed to tell you that I reached a variety of rock bottoms and harsh realities. I experienced many moments of doubt, self-loathing, frustration, and extreme financial hardship.
2014 was the longest, toughest, and tumultuous year of my life- I have never been happier to see December 31st than I am today.
If given the chance I would NEVER opt to relive this year, yet I would not change one single moment of the year… well, maybe just one…
Although I sum up 2014 as the year of Growing Pains, I finally understand the true meaning of the phrase “Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining” – and I feel lucky that I was able to gain such perspective in such a tough and defeating time of my life. I owe a big thank you to 2014 for teaching me how to survive.
I hope everyone can look back today and feel the gratitude that I feel for my own life. Grip those thoughts tightly and don’t loosen your hold on them in the next year. That gratitude is the purpose of life. It’s what makes the world go round.
I’m grateful for the many failures and frustrations that made me realize what true success is. I find happiness in the smallest of small successes. Success comes in so many forms.
I’m grateful for being reminded of the fragility of life. I’m grateful for the impacts we leave on others. Some of us can cause entire communities to come together. This is for you Jes Metzger.
I’m not grateful for watching my most inspiring and generous mentor fight for her life this year. I’ll never get why or how it happened to the best person in this world- but I am grateful that she’s still here, still fighting, and for reminding me what life is truly about. Love, give, and smile in the moment as much as you can. I’m grateful for knowing that miracles do happen. I’m grateful to remember that this life is not about the materialistic bullshit, it’s about being good to one another and creating positive change that gets passed on. One person can truly save thousands of lives with just a smile. Don’t forget it.
I’m grateful for being a starving artist because I know that hunger fuels the fire.
I’m grateful for staying up for four nights in a row, making art, being tortured by my thoughts late at night, zoning out and realizing I wrote all over my wall in permanent marker. I realized the sacrifice, purpose, and dedication behind my art. I realized that I really am an artist and that it is not going to be easy, but it will be totally worth it. The truth is that you can be rich even when you are poor. I am richer than most people will be in their entire life.
I’m grateful for moments of self-loathing and isolation. Because it has made me realize that I have the best goddamn friends anyone could ever ask for. I know that at the loneliest moments, we are never truly alone. Even if you think you are, I promise that your life matters to someone… and it’s not always the obvious person.
I’ve realized the impact others have made on me and the impact I want to make in return.
I’m grateful for experiencing doubt, questioning myself, and my value. I’m grateful to know that it will all be okay if you just keep moving forward. It will always pass.
Lastly, I am grateful for the people that have stuck around to read this. The ones that always have my back, and the ones that believe in my dreams. I couldn’t keep going without you.
Tonight I’m toasting to my growing pains. I’m gripping tightly to the lessons I’ve learned and the gratitude I feel, and I’m letting the rest stay in 2014 and I hope you all will take a minute to join me in that.
I will never forget this year of life, I’ll never take it for granted.
Happy New Year, be safe, be happy, and take this moment in. No matter how good or bad, I promise you there is a silver lining somewhere.
I won’t be writing again till next year. Take care of yourselves till then. See you never again 2014- Bring on 2015- I hope it’s better for all of us ❤
With much love and gratitude,